TIME TO GET RID OF WHAT’S BEEN HOLDING ON FOR FAR TOO LONG.
My Mom and my Dad both had serious issues and challenges they faced on a daily basis. They had hard childhoods full of trauma, alcoholism, and poverty. They became parents at a very young age, and they made a ton of very bad mistakes that caused much harm to me, my brother, and my sister. I also know that they did the best that they could at the time, and that they were sorry. I am not making excuses for them, I am just now seeing a different perspective which will hopefully help with my healing, letting go, and moving on. I want to walk the middle path. They have both been dead for many years now so there is no going back. That part of my life is over.
There was so much that I missed with them when I was growing up – stability, safety, security, healthy boundaries, consistency, trust, and a type of love, attention, and affirmation that was appropriate and healthy.
I did not learn how to love and accept myself. I often felt invisible and unworthy. I craved their love and attention and tried to be the perfect middle child daughter so that I could have these things. I continue this pattern of yearning and seeking from others what I need to give myself. As an adult, there are so many ways my brain can trick me into thinking I am getting better at giving it to myself – but some of these ways are just cleverly disguised external ways to meet the needs.
I want my blog to reflect the art and wonderment of healing, letting go, and moving on. I want to focus on learning how to stay the middle path, and get back to it when I’ve gone too far to either side. I am worthy of a healthier, stable, balanced, and happier ME.
Even though my parents weren’t capable of giving me what I needed, I know they loved me. And now, that has to be enough. I am worthy! ❤