I AM WORTHY – LOVE & HAPPINESS

love-and-happiness-bpd

Love & Happiness

As soon as I saw this baby in the furniture store I knew it had to be mine.   What a beautiful way to remind myself daily of my goals.  It will sit on my bed in my soon to be new ‘very tiny living’ apartment located a few houses down from the Marina on the Island.  My dream of living by the water will come true ❤

My husband’s head is spinning from my flip flopping back and forth, my contradicting messages and signals, and from my words and actions that seem to make sense only to me. I can only image the thoughts that run through his head when he sees those words on my new cushion.

Love & Happiness ?????  He’s definitely not happy with what’s happening between us and I’m pretty sure he’s not “feeling the love” even though I still love him very very very much.

In the name of recovery these last three and a half years I have hammered away at our 26 year marriage with a wrecking ball. He didn’t want the separation but four months ago I made sure it happened so that I would have the space I needed to get to the very dirty core of my being. It is only in that place will I be able to rebuild the pieces of me into a healthier authentic self.

What is the point of Love & Happiness if it feels like a mask I wear?

What is the point of Love & Happiness when it is tormented by my insecurity, jealousy, resentment, and inability to forgive, let go, and move forward?

There is still so much work to do.  With my tool belt fully loaded I am trusting this process of demolition and rebuild.

Love & Happiness. True. Real. For me. For others. These are my goals.

I am worthy ❤

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s